A middle-aged man is busy cleaning his golf clubs when his phone rings.

Owner: Hello? Who’s this?

He is answered by a man with a distorted voice.

Abductor: I have your dog.

Owner: What? Why???

The owner looks out of the window and sees a leash ripped in his lawn.

Owner: WHYYYY!?!?!?!

Abductor: Because I hate you. HAHAHAHAHA! <thinks> Wait. Just kidding. I don’t hate you. <thinks> Wait, I really REALLY hate you. <thinks> Maybe I am taking this a bit too far?

Owner: DAMN YOU! How can I get back my dog! You want money? I have lots of money! Give me back my dog, you moron!

Abductor: Well… about that… I can’t. I sort of ate your dog.

Owner: WHAT?!? MONSTER!!!!! WHY?!?

Abductor: <unsure> Errr… because I really, really hate you? <thinks> I just really want to diss you…

It can either be that you hate the guy and you had to rub it in. Or you ate the dog then felt guilty so you have to make a poster. Perhaps you found out that the dog’s owner is a hot chick but you want to start your relationship honestly.

Amongst the three, the last one is really the most stupid. Yes, I sure do!

Tasted like chicken? What the hell?? That’s a DOG! I bet my balls a chicken will not taste like a dog and vice versa! Dude, a dog, from other people’s experiences, is very oily in nature. Plus it’s really, really icky. Seriously, damn it! Really!

Definitely the guys who posted this in public are Grade A bastards.

For one thing, there’s no return address, so you can’t trace them. Not unless you hire a detective or you’re firm to hire the FBI for a mutt, this case is closed!

Tastes… like… chicken… WHAT?!