He looks cute. He acts cuddly. And perhaps… PERHAPS… he could save your life in some heroic fashion where it would ignite a celebration and earn him a statue in front of your town hall.

But come face to face with an unsuspecting footwear… a ghastly, unappealing piece of unsuspecting footwear… his mind would only think of this:

Grrr… grrr… grrreat f*ck! Like, this is soooooooooooo not pretty! It’s like… oh my… people actually make these!?!? This soooo unpretty! Wait. I’m going to eat this! Then I’m going to spit it, re-manufacture it, and then I will eat it again! I am soooooooooo sure that when it comes out of my butt it would looooook better! Blah blah blah… blah blah blah….

Ferocious dogs = scary.

Ferocious dogs that are inclined to fashion? = even worse.